I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
