stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
