u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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