First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
