You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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