He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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