i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
