Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
