i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
