he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
