White coat. Heels.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
