My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
