We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
