My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
