im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
