these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
