dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
