So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
