Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
