i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
