i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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