great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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