it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
