I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
