i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We got so high we made milksteak
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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