my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
