His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
