I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
