we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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