And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
