you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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