She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
