I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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