Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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