She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
