i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We just shotgunned beers for America
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had sex on a dog bed..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
