Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just cropdusted the office
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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