I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He shit in the fireplace
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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