hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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