she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
