you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
