I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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