When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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