Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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