Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
