she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm passing your future prison.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
