I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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