bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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