My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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