I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
